My roommate recently started dating someone new. I really like the guy. He's nice and sweet and honest and young. But I am having a lot of issues with their relationship. Not that they have it; I'm certainly not jealous. I can't stress enough that I am not jealous. I know that the kneejerk reaction to my loathing of seeing them together is that I am sad to be alone. And while yes, sometimes I am sad to be alone, jealousy is the last thing driving the wedge between me and my roommate's relationship.

First off, my roommate's boyfriend (hereafter referred to as RB) is always here. We're talking every single day. And most of those days he spends the night. I know that one of the drawbacks to having a roommate is having to put up with their various house guests. But I feel like an outsider when they awake from a night of sweet lovin'. If I were them I'd want to be alone. And I want them to be alone, giggling and kissing and making pancakes. But the bottom line is this is my house too, and I won't be relegated to staying in my bedroom whenever RB is here.

The lack of consideration is another thing. My roommate doesn't seem to find anything wrong with the fact that he and his googly eyed boyfriend are constantly in my face. More than them just being here, they are always touching. Always. I really can't take it. I have a serious aversion to seeing other people touch. I think canoodling of any sort should only be done when there is no one else around. For example, all I wanted to do tonight was watch Boston Public. It's my Monday ritual. Roommate and RB are both laying on the couch, wrapped all around each other, fondeling and kissing. So I stay in the kitchen and watch Boston Public on the 13 inch television. Roommate calls to me, "Come watch TV with us!" So, against my better judgement, I do. I try to pretend it doesn't bother me, but really, it does. It bothers me that they cannot just sit on the couch and watch television with me like normal people. If they want to fondle and make out, they should go to roommate's bedroom. After all, that's what it is for. Other than sleeping.

Tonight I got to thinking that perhaps this is entirely my problem. It's no secret to anyone, especially myself, that I have problems with intimacy. I have problems with seeing other people together. Am I projecting my feelings and my personal obstacles onto my roommate's relationship? Or am I just being practical in thinking that it is inappropriate for them to always be touching each other and making googly eyes while I am around. I honestly don't know. The only friend I can talk to this about says I am not being ridiculous to expect them not to behave that way in front of me. She says it is outlandish and horrible. Then again, her intimacy issues rival mine, I think.

So what do I do? There is nothing to do. Talking to roommate won't help, trust me. Should I just get over it? Stay in my room? Move out? Am I overreacting? Is it wrong of me to expect them to exert some self control around me?

I have some other relationship stuff I want to talk about, but not now. This entry is long enough, and I need time to gather my thoughts.