I got the weirdest series of emails last week. Back in March 2002 when I started my last job I went up to Nowhere, PA for three weeks for a training program. While there I met this girl. From the get go she intrigued me. She had that sort of hippie look about her and while she was perfectly friendly, I never really got up the nerve to strike up anything more than the most casual conversation with her. I have a very mild social problem that doesn't allow me to approach people I think are cool, even if they are completley approachable. Anyway. So for three weeks I sort of watched this girl from afar. I watched as she asked the ladies in the cafeteria if there were any animal byproducts in the food she chose to eat. I watched as her non-shaven legs peeked out from under her long flowing skirt. I watched as she showed complete faith in the others in the training class, never saying anything judgemental or snide the way almost all other people do.

On the final night of our training, almost all of my fellow trainees and I went out to dinner as a goodbye. We ate, drank, and were generally merry. I ended up sitting next to the intriguing girl for a few minutes, and the subject turned to music. She said she hadn't listened to any good music in three weeks because she didn't bring any CDs with her and the radio stations in area that we were didn't suit her needs. Turns out she loves Ani DiFranco and the Indigo Girls and Dave Matthews and almost all the same music that I love. I told her it was too bad she didn't share that earlier in the training because I have all of those CDs in my hotel room. We laughed about it, and then didn't talk much more at the restaurant.

After returning to the hotel room, an idea hit me. And in a very uncharacteristic move on my part, I grabbed a few of my CDs and my radio and went upstairs to her floor. I had no idea which room she was in, only that she was on the third floor. As luck would have it, her door was open and I found her easily. I had only planned on dropping off the music for her, but she asked me to stay and listen to it with her. She seemed absolutely delighted that I had dropped by, and with one look at the smile on her face I wished I had done it earlier. We ended up spending almost the entire night with each other. First we just sat and listened to Ani, conversing only about the lyrics and our favorite songs. Very naturally the conversation turned to deeper and more personal things. Things I don't generally share with anyone. After several hours in her hotel room, I realized that I still had to pack to drive home the next morning. So we grabbed the music and headed down to my room. We spent several more hours there, talking and laughing. Finally, we parted ways to try and get some sleep before the morning. I had a long drive ahead of me and she as flying back to Seattle, so we both had long days to look forward to. Before she left my room she gave me a hug. A very intimate hug. You know how some hugs involve only arms? And some involve entire bodies pressing against each other? It was the second kind. It was an odd and wonderful night.

A few weeks after training ended, I emailed the girl, asking how the job is going and about her life in general. She wrote me back quickly, telling me about this great girl she'd just started dating and how great her life was and all this. The tone of the email was much lighter and much happier than she had been that night we spent together, and I was happy for her. I wrote her back, and never heard from her again. At first it bothered me, but I grew to accept it. My experience with her at training taught me a lot about myself, and I was happy about that.

Then, last week, I got an email from her. It took me a few moments to even recognize her name in my inbox. It has, after all, been a year and a half since we last communicated. And it was a LONG email. Long and detailed and personal. Then the next day I got another email from her. About more very personal stuff. Then, Saturday night, I got a third email from her. This was the longest of all, and about some serious stuff that is going on in her life. I don't know very much about her, really, and it struck me as odd that she would share this stuff with me. I mean, I know that night we shared a LOT of things. But it was in the moment and face to face and it felt right. These emails just felt...bizarre. And awkward.

I want to write her back. I'd love to get back in communication with her. But I'm not prepared to share to the same level that she did. And I'm not sure what she expects me to say about all that she's told me. I know that I WILL write her back. Because she means something to me. But I'm just not sure what I'll say.