First there is Dreamy Guy. All the girls swoon over DG, but part of his dreaminess is the fact that he doesn't go after women in the office. That and his killer smile. DG pretty much just sits in the corner and observes. When he does talk, it's funny, so be ready. He's really more of a decoration than a friend.

Then there is Slimy Guy. SG would be attractive if it weren't for the way he was always slinking around, ogling girls and making lewd comments. He doesn't deem me pretty enough to talk to, so I don't have to put up with him. It's one of the few times I enjoy being overlooked. He has a girlfriend but is always looking to hook up with women at work. The sight of SG makes me a little nauseous.

Next on the list is the only person in my office who I consider a friend. Not a good friend, mind you, but she's good for going to lunch and getting together to watch TV or go to the movies or other activities that don't require much talking. I don't have a nickname for her, but she is that girl who can't stand girls who are prettier than her because they take attention away from her. She's no slouch. She's also no supermodel, and she feels threatened by women who are prettier than her. I suspect the reason she does talk to me is the same reason SG doesn't. I don't really mind. It makes me kind of sad though. Sad that she places such value on appearances. She's the girl who says, "I have trouble being friends with other girls because girls are so petty", when really she's the shallow one. Yes, this girl is my work friend. Work. Friend.

WF is dating another co-worker, Money Hungry. MH is the guy in the office who is also saying that in two years he'll be the boss and if he's not he'll go to a company that can appreciate him. MH has an AKA of Power Hungry. He's supercompetitive about work and he's always in a bad mood because he's so busy trying to climb the ladder. I don't know what WF sees in him. All I can figure is he's really good in bed. But I doubt it.

Finally, in my office, there is Hot Girl. I love Hot Girl. Dreamy Guy loves Hot Girl. Slimy Guy loves Hot Girl. Work Friend hates Hot Girl. HG is the kind of girl who is hot, but not in an annoying way. It's as though she barely notices her hotness. She doesn't have that Hot person air about her, she just does her work and smiles a lot and is very friendly. Today HG was having a time at the fax machine. I don't know what she was doing wrong, but the machine was hissing and squealing angrily while HG looked on helplessly and smiled. DG and I admired her from our desks and WF called us pathetic.

I just love HG. I just want to grab her and make out with her. Then I want her to go shopping with me and teach me how to put on make up. Cause really, that's the kind of girl she is. I've always thought she was hot, but I didn't want to make out with her. Until a few weeks ago. We were talking and she used the word "Iconoclast". Yeah, I had to look it up too. It was at that moment that I realized how badly I want to make out with HG.

How did I end up even talking about this? I'm supposed to be talking about the people in my office. But now I'm feeling all dreamy thinking about Hot Girl. Oh well. It could be worse. I could be thinking about Slimy Guy.