I watched the movie Thirteen last weekend. It was as horrifying as I thought it would be. It was horrifying to me that 13 year olds would do the things in the movie, and even more so that a thirteen year old girl wrote the script. A child born in 1988 experience and wrote about sex, drugs, rebellion, and self-mutilation. Imagine being her mother and seeing this movie? Reading that script?

My sister watched it also, and her reaction was completely different from mine. While I was horrified that children are capable of such things, she merely shrugged and said, "Thats exactly what my teenage years were like." I know she did rebellious things as a teenager, but I never knew what. She kept that far away from me. I said, "Your teenage years, but exaggerated, right?" She said, "No. Pretty much right on." That horrified me even more. She's my sister!

We weren't very close in our teenage years. I was studying and playing soccer and applying to college. She was doing drugs and dropping out of school and sleeping around. Sometimes we wouldn't see her for days. That went on well into my junior year of college. Even though I had somewhat of an idea of what my sister's life was like, seeing it on screen like that was horrible. Seeing it and knowing that my sister lived like that on and off for five years scared me to death.

Things like this scare me away from wanting to have children. My sisters and my brother and I were all raised by the same parents, yet the way we turned out was really different. What happens if I have a child and she turns out like my baby sister, self-centered and self-destructive? How can I prevent that? My parents couldn't and I think they are the best parents ever. They always loved and guided us and provided for us. In my family there was no neglect and no abuse. We always had enough money, new clothes. and big Christmases.

I suppose it does no good worrying about such a thing or wondering the differences between my sister and me. Eventually, we both turned out ok, she just got a later start. Once she realized that her self-destructive past was getting her nowhere, she resigned herself to adulthood. In fact, she's learned to do pretty well for herself and has discovered that she has to work hard to get what she wants. It's almost enviable how well she knows that. Almost.

Still, the thought of her doing half of the things in the movie Thirteen make me sick. She is my little sister, after all.