It kills me to make the decision, because when she's sober, my sister really is a good roommate. The best I've ever had. And that's coming from someone who has had thirteen roommates in the seven years since she stopped living with her parents. She's clean and fun and she doesn't make out with her boyfriends in common areas when I'm home. Plus she's my sister and I love her and part of me feels like I'm abandoning her when she really needs someone. But the bottom line is I have to look out for myself. My sister is an adult and she is free to conduct herself in any manner she wants. I can't force her to change, and I know she is the only one who can decide. Her last boyfriend, who loved her intensely, lost when he made her choose between him and alcohol. I know I would lose too. And I can't spend every night lying awake wondering why she isn't home. Did she do the responsible thing and sleep on a friend's couch? Or did she go home with some guy she doesn't even know? Did she wrap her car around a tree driving home drunk? I literally can't sleep when she doesn't come home. She's not home right now. When she does come home, at least I can sleep, but it's not a pretty site. I can't stand seeing my sister drunk. I normally don't mind seeing people drunk. I'm not anti-drinking. I do it myself. But when my sister drinks, she totally loses control. She isn't capable of having one or two beers. Once she starts, she doesn't stop until the bar closes or they refuse to serve her. Ever. And she gets either very very sad, very very angry, or very violent when she's drunk.

My parents have already told me that I'm free to live with them until I find someplace else. I'm very grateful, but that in itself poses a pretty big problem. My parents live with my grandparents and next door to my aunt, uncle, and two cousins. My family has always been very impatient with my sister because of all the pain her actions have caused my family over the years. If I move in with my parents, then everyone will find out that Robin is over the edge again. I don't want that to happen. Despite everything, I feel a need to protect her reputation.

But I can't stay here. I have to give my landlord thirty days written notice that I intend to move out, not to mention give my sister time to decide if she's going to move or if she's going to find another roommate to move in here. And I can't stay here in the thirty days meantime. Plus I haven't even told my sister yet, and I do not look forward to that conversation.

I don't know how to even bring it up.